The Rotters' Club... What a Carve Up! (1961)

I’ve just finished reading Jonathan Coe’s novel of the same name, published in 1994, and which uses this film both as a major plot point in the way which influences his main character, writer Michael Owen, and also the broad storyline in which a wealthy but faithless family is brought together for the reading of their patriarch’s will only for some haunted home-truths to be savagely delivered in the most gruesome fashion. Coe’s aim is to satirize the landed elite and the conservative classes who gave birth to the Thatcherite glory years in which everything was sold off and greed was not only good but glorious. It is, as so much of his work, fiendishly clever and also very funny as he captures the mood of the times in thorough and entertaining ways.

There’s no deeper motives behind the original film except perhaps of a lampooning both of the usual class cliches of the time – it’s almost Carry on in style – but also the genre of horror films and ghost stories. It’s influenced in this respect by The Ghoul (1933) but also by The Cat and the Canary filmed as a silent by Paul Leni in 1927 and then remade with Bob Hope and Paulette Goddard in 1939 – a film which had the same impact on me as the film, and I certainly didn’t spend long hours freeze-framing the saucy bits as Owen does for the scene between Kenneth Connor and Shirley Eaton to leer over the latter undressing.

Discretion is the better part of valour Kenneth my lad!

Owen is taken by his parents to see the film as a child and this moment leaves a lasting impression on his sexuality, a fondness not just for Shirley but also a very Ken Connor-like dithering over opportunities missed. Connor was very much an everyman in his comedy films and here plays a rather nervy proof-reader of horror books which set his teeth on edge but bring in a paltry salary all the same. His mate Sid, on the other hand, is an outgoing and go-getting bookie with a heart of gold. There’s a thesis to be written on the cinematic charm of Mr James but he’s a fine actor who manages to convey genuine emotions and likeability whether in serious drama – The Small Back Room (1948) here or Carry on… I saw him twice on stage in Blackpool playing a variation of Bless This House – Sid as long-suffering husband and father – he was exceptionally good and my Dad, also a pipe smoker – loved him!

Kenneth Connor I know less about, but he came up through the Central School of Speech and Drama and following his wartime service RADA, so he was very well trained and technically able. He joined the Old Vic company for whom notable performances were as Chaplain de Stogumber in Saint Joan and Dobchinsky in The Government Inspector, which starred Alec Guinness. He may have opted to specialise in comedy due to his diminutive stature but he always kept working on the stage even during the Carry on successes. I always rooted for him as a kid and still do now as does Coe’s Michael Owen as he wonders what stopped him from staying with the lovely Shirley in the middle of the night after the killings begin in the isolated darkness of Blackshaw Towers…

“It’s a 5/6 for each of the horror ones and 3/6 for the sexy ones… “

“Why’s it two Bob cheaper?” 

“Well, they reckon I get that much pleasure out of reading them…”

Beyond our Ken?

After some entertaining opening titles revealing the faces of the key players intercut by Donald Pleasence’s creepy lawyer Everett Sloane, making his way to Ken’s flat, we find the latter nervously proof-reading The Fiend of the Second Flat as he sits in his own second floor flat. The camera pulls away and we see Syd fall through the kitchen skylight having been unable to get his friend’s attention via the doorbell… Then two are then surprised by Mr Sloane who invites Ernest up to hear the will of his late-departed Uncle Gabriel who becomes dearer the more Ernest imagines the riches in store.

Quickly adopting the airs and graces of presumptive new wealth and position, Ernest remains conflicted with fear and asks Syd to accompany him up to Yorkshire. After a disturbing exchange between Ernest and a ghostly station manager they hitch a lift from a hearse driver whose driver echoes a line from the classic Brit-horror, “there’s room for one in t’ back…”. They end up having to make their way cross country to the old house as even the driver of the dead won’t risk the final stretch…

Mr Pleasence unsettles all before him...

One at the imposing hall, we meet the first of Ernest’s strange relatives: Dennis Price as the wearied dipsomaniac “one-time gentleman” Guy (Dennis Price), well-oiled and over-sharing with the suggestion that all of the family are more than a little mentally ill. Then there’s Michael Gough having a (James) whale of a time as Fisk the greying old retainer with secrets to hide who guide the men to their rooms, Ernest in the East Wing.

We cut to Guy arguing with his sister Janet (Valerie Taylor) and their father Edward (George Woodbridge) and then Ernest meets Cousin Malcolm (Michael Gwynn) playing the organ who decides that he must be “quite mad” as the rest of them. Then Emily Broughton (Esma Cannon) enters exhibiting further aspects of the family disease talking about knitting scarfs for the soldiers at the front… in the Great War…

Shirley Eaton

Queue Shirley as Nurse Linda Dixon a breath of reassuring beauty and normalcy amongst the weirdness of the situation and the family. Every sits around the table as Mr Sloane reads out the news that his client is bequeathing “nothing” … Guy laughs and Janet talks of challenging a will re-written the day before he died. 

Why did he bring us all this way just to tell us he’s left us Sweet Fanny Adams…

That’s simple, he was like the rest of us, quite mad… 

After the generator breaks Ernest, Syd and Fisk go to investigate and on their way back discover Edward dead in the garden. The news is relayed to the rest of the group with the realisation that the murderer could only have been one of those in the house. No way out and with Fisk predicting more murder to follow it’s going to be a very long night…

His nerves getting the better of him, Ernest wanders into Linda’s room for the scene featured in Jonathan Coe’s book, Ernest determined to be the gentlemen but really intimidated by Linda’s presence. He allows his chivalry gets the better of him and he escapes into the hall where he battles an empty suit of armer to a draw.

Ernest: I suppose you must be scared what with all the things going on here tonight?

Linda: Oh, not really.

Ernest [nervously): Oh, well I am!

Sid, Michael and Kenneth

There won’t be much sleep tonight though as Ernest isn’t the only restless spirit, persuading the more grounded Syd to share his bed and annoying the latter as first a cat and then noises off disturb their sleep. Soon there will be blood and organ music and deception as the Broughton’s start to meet their ends one by one, straight on till morning…

As with the earlier films, the two Cats and Canaries especially, the film, directed by Pat Jackson from a script by Ray Cooney and Tony Hilton, manages to mix jump shocks with comic moments in ways that work in ways Scooby Doo and the Mystery Gang would appreciate. There’s actual horror and no one is safe, it’s hard to tell who’s good and who is bad and things are never quite as they seem.

Ultimately, whilst it resembles a Carry on film, it’s more cohesive and genre faithful than Carry on Screaming and feels more like a play on screen with more sophistication and cinematic intent than you’d find with the rest of the crew. The last remaining mystery is why this film is only available on old DVD, surely a restoration and Blu-ray release are deserved with more background on the storied cast and the genre of films that make you laugh and make you cry!

The book is freely available from all good bookshops and at Amazon... highly recommended to all fans of the genres involved, politics and Shirley!

Snappy families… What a Carve Up! (1961)

John Peel once introduced Pink Floyd’s post-psych, proto-rave “One of These Days (I’m Going to Cut You into Little Pieces”, as being described by Roger Waters as “a poignant appraisal of the contemporary social situation…” before adding, acerbically, “make of that what you will…”

Could the same be said of this upwardly-mobile whodunnit in which familial betrayal is seemingly at the service of monetary gain? Jonathan Coe obviously thought so when he used the title for his book critiquing 1980’s Thatcherite “greedism” but, whilst its view of human nature is broadly cynical, the Ray Cooney source material is more slapstick farce than satire. It is in truth, hilariously, no more than the standard British disregard for upper class human frailty and if anyone’s going to make it out of this one alive you know it’s more likely to be the down-to-Earth Kenneth Connor and his mate Sid… oh and Shirley Eaton, of course: have you seen those pins?!

Shirley and Ken

As Adam Faith, who makes a late appearance in this film, once sang: “what do you want if you don’t want money?” Laughs, I suppose?? As it turns out there’s quite a few of those in What a Carve Up! Which features some of the finest comedy-performers of their generation in an age-old yarn about a shadowy house of mystery…

Sid and Ken play miss-matched best mates, sharing a flat and just about managing as Syd Butler a salesman and Ernest Broughton a horror novel proof-reader with an over-active imagination. News comes of the death of a distant relative Gabriel Broughton, the owner of Blackshaw Towers, and that Ernie must attend the reading of the will.

This bolt from the blue has Ernie dreaming of an inheritance but after a long trip on a smokey train he and his newly-appointed “legal advisor”, Syd, make their way through forbidding fog to the family pile: Blackshaw? Sure it’s black… and very, very dark.

The clan is gathered

They are greeted by Fisk (Michael Gough), the ghoulish family butler and ushered into the huge sitting room to meet Ernie’s family tree… There’s Guy (Dennis Price), Earnest’s cousin, a heavy drinker whose sardonic wit is utilised in permanent battle with his grimly-grasping sister Janet (Valerie Taylor). It’s hard to believe that they’re the off-spring of the bumblingly-avuncular Dr Edward Broughton (George Woodbridge).

But the Broughton’s seem an odd bunch for whom private education has not necessarily produced a balanced outlook: Great Aunt Emily Broughton (the genius Esma Cannon!) is a little confused and is convinced that the Great War is still on (did it ever really end?) whilst cousin Malcolm (a wonderful, wide-eyed turn from Michael Gwynn) is an unbalanced musician whose clearly had one too many Mozarts… he’s convinced it’s not him though but everybody else and to some extent he’s not wrong!

Fisk catches up on his reading

The boys arrive just in time for the start of proceedings with this grim clan all gathered around the dinning table waiting to hear if they’ve been left anything by Old Man Broughton as Everett Sloane (dead-deadpan Donald Pleasence) looks out with cold neutrality from over his spectacles… They are a most peculiar lot and generally none-too-keen on the mathematical impications of additional relatives.

But there’s one more to join them, the stunning Nurse Linda Dixon (the peerless Shirley Eaton, the sexual superpower of British comedy) who had looked after the old man – is there anything in the will for her and, as far as Ernie’s concerned, is there any of her in it for him?

James, Price, Connor and Eaton

Pretty soon there’s a lot more to concern Ernie’s over-active imagination as his relatives start being killed off one by one… the murdered is surely amongst them but who? Will Sid and Ernie find out in time, will Ernie recover from seeing Nurse Dixon getting changed, is the War really still on and what’s all this got to do with Adam Faith anyway…

You’ll have to watch it to find out.

Dusty verdict: If the plot sound familiar that’s because it bears resemblance to both The Old Dark House and The Ghoul both thirties classics ripe for the Cooney treatment and updating with extra – intended – laughs for the Carry On generation. It works too even though the humour was distinctly parochial, the New York Times reviewer being especially scathing of this “vulgar”, “inept” “ostensible British farce…”

A classic Connors cor!

Pat Jackson directs with swift efficiency making the most of every creaking door, hidden passageway and shadowy figure combing their effect on nervy-Ernie with a hit on the audience. What the New York Times failed to recognise is the film’s knowing heart: a post-modern awareness that is both comforting and satirically funny. Syd and Ken are everymen – thrust into this madness so we can have a laugh on our behalf, all sat together with post-war austerity barely giving way to a decade just about to swing.

Well worth a watch and readily available from Amazon and the rest.

Who’s in it? Ten Little Indians (1965)

Shirley Eaton and Hugh O'Brien

This is a sixties update on the classic Christie “whodunit” moving the action in place as well as time from a remote Scottish island to a mountain-locked hotel high in the alps. It’s hard to beat Rene Clair’s atmospheric 1946 version but this take has enough stars and style to engage with only the odd moment of period-cringe (take a bow Fabian!).

Directed by George Pollock, the film’s a roll-call of established and rising stars, in an attempt to appeal to as many demographics as possible but, whilst that may suggest artifice there’s an enthusiasm and wit which counter-balances the commerciality.

Who did it?

Every box is still dutifully ticked, American lead, pop-star, Bond sex kitten, music hall vet… grumpy German butler but they’re all well played and good company for an hour or so. The Christie format was already a well-honed one by 1965 and the following half century has meant we can all pretty much write them as they go… all except the endings: that still takes professional guile.

And to act these convoluted and semi-predictable tales still takes some work and it’s no surprise that only the best and most experienced tend to succeed.

High on a hill...

Here we have the great Dennis Price as the dipsomaniacal Doctor Armstrong who may or may not have killed a patient while under the influence. He is joined by the great (OK I’ll stop that…),
Wilfrid Hyde-White as Judge Cannon who may or may not (and that too…) have sent an innocent man to be hanged.

Master craftsmen...

The traditional suspects of jaded military man, General Mandrake (Leo Genn) and old, possibly bent copper William Blore (Stanley Holloway) are balanced against the new breed, glam-dram-queen Ilona Bergen (Daliah Lavi) and pop star Mike Raven (real-life poster Fabian… the only one who really grates… but then he’s probably meant to).

As the actress said to the General...

The guests are completed by the heroic Hugh Lombard (Hugh O’Brian) and the gamine Ann Clyde (Shirley Eaton) – these are the ones we most readily identify with.

Fabian meets the man who had a hit with Albert and the Lion

Arriving by cable car they are greeted by Herr und Frau Grohmann (Mario Adorf and Marianne Hoppe) who it quickly transpires have been hired just for this occasion.

The Happy Couple

None of the guests know each other (although the general alludes to previous knowledge of Miss Bergen long ago in Berlin. They eventually sit down for dinner and are stunned by a recorded message from their host, one UN Owen (an un-credited voice-role from Christopher Lee).

He accuses all of them of murder or deliberately causing the death of innocents… if you’ve not been here before, an effective scene that sets up the drama from now on. Each guest has the poem of Ten Little Indians in their room and on the table is a model of ten Indians… it’s soon as clear to the guests as it is to the audience that Mr Owen is intent on a live re-enactment of the poem as first Mike Raven sings himself to death…sorry, drinks poison and then the general gets knifed in the basement…

And then there were...

There’s no escape not by cable car nor by climb – the mountain is too steep for that – and the guests have no option but to try and stay alive and hope for help.

I won’t spoil the story – if you don’t already know it it’s still a compelling yarn with twists and turns to confound even the most jaded of modern observers.

Pollock directs well if a little flatly… and there’s not quite the atmospheric tension of Clair’s version. The old stagers deliver as you’d expect, especially Dennis Price who does moral compromise so well. Hyde-White is Hyde-White and Holloway is Holloway and that what they got paid for.

Did someone turn the Eaton... (sorry)

Daliah Lavi does well as the Hollywood actress brought back to confront her past but the real sexual selling point is Shirley Eaton who Pollock doesn’t forget to highlight at every possible occasion in a variety of stylish costumes (or, indeed, without…) – Ann must have brought a very big suitcase.

American second-streamer, O’Brien is similarly highlighted and makes for a believable hero.

"Professor Plum?"

On the DVD there’s a precious extra – "The Whodunit Break" - an “insert” for the film, to be played at a crucial point in order to allow the audience to discuss who they think “done it”. An interesting idea which would need little encouragement for some of today’s chattering cinematic classes… Maybe we’ve lost some of the art of patience and the ability to give the benefit of the doubt to film makers who try to engage with just a black and white mystery.

Hanging around etc...

Dusty verdict: worth keeping to show your children how easily we were once amused. And if you like Shirley Eaton… who is still every inch a superstar. This has long been hard to find in the UK but there's a new-ish DVD available here.