Squint and die! The House That Vanished (1973)

This film is dark, no, really dark, so dark that for long passages you can’t see what’s happening. Now, whether that’s the original intention or just the result of the copy of an old VHS I watched is another matter altogether. This was Spanish director José Ramón Larraz’s fourth film and the first he made in Britain – he’s probably best known for Symptoms (1974) as well as Vampyres (1974) but he had a long career mostly back home. His style here is deliberate and slow, building up the tension and vulnerability of the main characters and playing against an off-beat background in which things are either not as they seem or entirely as they may well be. So, even without the extra layers of video murk, you’re on your guard throughout, especially as explanations are not always defined.

It features a young photographic model, Valerie Jennings played by Andrea Allan who I thought I’d not seen before but who was a regular in Gerry Anderson’s UFO; I didn’t recognize her without the purple wig! She is very recognisable though and does a good job here as she’s almost ever present throughout the film in a way that reminds you of Hitchcock’s blondes, Larraz turns us all into voyeurs for the duration, bad things happen but we keep on looking at the beauty. We’re all complicit in this kind of film and it is not without some genuinely disturbing moments particularly a sequence involving the always watchable Judy Matheson, which colours the whole film and intentionally so.

Dark

The House That Vanished is also known as Scream... and Die! As well as Please! Don't Go in the Bedroom (and you really, really, don’t want to go in that bedroom…) but I think the first title is the grandest for what is ultimately a patchy affair that whilst it is shocks intermittently and engages throughout, ultimately it doesn’t quite hold together.

It starts off with Valerie on a modelling assignment, going through the motions with a photographer who wants her to do some more risqué work with him. She’s not willing to go there as she doesn’t trust his artistic integrity although she is willing to take a chance with her very dodgy boyfriend, Terry (Alex Leppard) who’s idea of a good time is to drive her out, off road, into the misty woods. Terry has a little job to do and finds a grand house in the middle of nowhere before gaining entry in search of something, although he won’t say what.

Dark deeds as seen from the cupboard

They find a draw full of women’s passports, which is odd, and then have to hide in a cupboard as a couple enters the house and begin to strip off on the bed. All of this takes place in almost pitch black and I tip my hat to cinematographer Trevor Wren who, even on this murky multi-transfer, captures enough of the action, admittedly mostly the now naked form of the woman. What comes next is the first real shock as the man brutally slices his companion to death as the two onlookers gasp in shock. Valerie runs for her life, heading into the woods after finding Terry’s car keys missing.

The resultant chase is well handled as Valerie hides away in a scrap yard with the killer not far behind, walking deliberated knife in hand as she shivers in terror in the back seat of a rusted car. She stays there until morning, hitches back home where she finds Terry’s car parked outside but there’s no sign of Terry there or at his flat.

Flats were a lot cheaper in Blomfield Road, London's Little Venice...

Life carries on and her friends Mike (Lawrence Keane) and his girlfriend, Stella (Annabella Wood), more than familiar with Terry’s criminal activities, urge her not to go to the police as she’ll get caught up in the burglary.

So far so mysterious but then Valerie meets a strange and attractive sculptor, Paul (Karl Lanchbury) at Mike’s shop along with his Aunt Susanna (Maggie Walker). Paul makes intriguing ornamental masks and seems a much more interesting chap than thuggish old Terry. Valerie starts seeing Paul but strange things keep happening as she returns to her house to find pigeons in the darkened basement. They’re owned by another odd gentleman a Mr. Hornby (Peter Forbes-Robertson) who has just moved in with his flighty pets.

Seems like a relaxed kind of guy?

Meanwhile, the relationship between Paul and his Aunt is rather odd too and after leaves Valerie after an awkward dinner in their London apartment, the older woman has her way with her young protégé…  The next day Mike and Stella go with Valerie to try and find the house but only manage to locate the scrap yard along with Terry’s car… has the house vanished as the title suggests?

So, by this point I’m counting three suspects and one no longer as obvious as he was before the incest… the film needs to pick up the pace though and does so with the return from holiday of Valerie’s flat mate Lorna (Judy Matheson). Lorna provides the semblance of normality and wrong-foots the audience long enough for the shock of her brutal murder to hit us all the harder. It’s pretty hard to watch if I’m honest and Judy approached it with the same degree of professionalism as all her work, it’s upsetting and unsettling.

Here's Judy

It’s also exactly why Valerie should not go in the bedroom… but she does. Judy is able to quickly extablish the vibrancy of her character and we care what happens and it's horrible. Shaken, Valerie accepts Paul’s invitation to go and stay at his Aunt’s country mansion. A chance to get away from it all with new friends? What do you think?

Dusty verdict: The House That Vanished is a weird film but it’s hardly a House of Mystery. The reveals are shocking for their repeated juxtaposition with sexual intimacy but they’re not especially surprising. It would almost certainly have been more visceral and horrific in the depths of a darkened cinema… after images haunting your steps back home after the late bus dropped you off.

It’s well worth seeking out but is not currently available on home media…

The quickies and the damned… Adam and Nicole (1975)

Mary Millington

The original title for this film is Erotic Inferno which has me wondering what level of hell the writers had in mind – on this evidence the holding area in which the damned are used to screen test beginners’ soft porn films. Phew, it must be all of 20 degrees Celsius in there: no wonder Dante forgot to include it!

The film’s genesis was partially captured by a BBC documentary – Man Alive: Xploitation – which would be something to see. The director - Trevor Wrenn – is apparently shown talking his performers through their scenes – dialogue would be added later – which, again, would be particularly informative during the frequent and very rushed sex scenes: “ a bit closer, c’mon love, lift your leg… no, not that one, that’s it arch your back love…” and so on.

Michael Watkins snarls

Of course, one of those who would need little instruction in these matters is Mary Millington arguably Britain’s sexual superpower of the seventies – here listed under her married name of Mary Maxted.  Actually, her scenes are only with Heather Deeley and prove to be the most subtle and respectful of all the film’s couplings – they’re just about the only ones in a proper relationship with the rest after only self-gratification at best.

The documentary showed the film’s writer, Jonathan Gershfield (as Jon York), putting the script together in the library of York University and that feels about the right level – probably he was a fresher imagining his way through the sex lives of liberated, go-getting adults.

Mary and Heather frolicking

The result leaves a film whose only charm is period – the house, haircuts and cars – with virtually no sympathetic characters except the two lovely stable girls (Mary and Heather).

So why watch it and why write about it? Got me there… although this is precisely the kind of film I’d liked to have seen as a teenager at around the time but I’m not sure it would have aided my education on adult matters. It’s seventies X-rated which means there’s a lot of female nudity, dirty talk and minimal foreplay (apart from the stable girls… who at least have manners).

But there’s also a story too…

Jenny Westbrook

After the opening credits have revealed Adam (Michael Watkins) enjoying an afternoon liaison with a young woman (Monika Ringwald) in the Tower Hotel – St Catherine’s dock full of posh yachts even in 1975 – we discover that his boss is missing presumed drowned. Old Mr. Barnard (Anthony Kenyon) was a multi-millionaire of no fixed morality who also happens to be Adam’s father although he was born out of wedlock (which is a bad thing even when so much of the activity required to produce such an outcome is apparently a good thing…).

Adam works as the Old Man’s land manager and shares a bed with the housekeeper Nicole (Jenny Westbrook) who is a nice enough sort with an insatiable interest in Adam’s two half-brothers both of whom stand to properly inherit their father’s riches.

Jeannie Collings and Chris Chittell

All parties converge on the Old Man’s Tudor mansion, Adam driving his Rolls Royce back, the more business-like Paul (Karl Lanchbury) and Martin (Chris Chittell - later a star of Emmerdale) in a yellow Triumph Stag. Martin’s a chip off the old block and takes his time in between sessions with his girlfriend Brenda (Jeannie Collings). No one’s exactly grieving…

Adam is angry, Paul is creepily-cold and Martin’s an over-baring (geddit) bully. None of this cuts any ice with the family lawyer, Eric Gold (Michael Sheard, yes Mr Bronson from Grange Hill – a fine actor who also featured in Star Wars and no less than six times in Doctor Who) who insists that the main house remain locked until the will is read.

Jenny Westbrook and Karl Lanchbury

What to do to pass the time…? Well, Nicole reveals her fondness for both of the brothers, first with the uptight Paul and then the border-line charming Martin on a number of occasions. These couplings seem passionless and rushed for old time’s sake. Martin’s neglecting his fiancée though and she starts to form an arrangement with Paul which is borderline touching: they appear to have nothing in common but seem to be rushing to love as quickly as Martin and Nicole rush to… well, you know…

Meanwhile Adam is still angry and shares a brief tangle in the fields with the pretty stable girl Gayle (Heather D) a rare tender moment for him but she still rushes back to Jane (Mary M) for some proper affection.

Michael Watkins and Heather Deeley

It is hard to keep up (fnar!) and very uneven… but the mood of barely contained aggression is well maintained between the males and the females are mostly more than willing to take it on the chin…

Adam has Nicole hide the key to the house on a chain round her waist and naturally Paul and Martin are keen to get their hands on it and the body attached… Paul sneaks in to find the key but ends up hiding under the bed as his brother conducts a full body search on the mattress above.

Meanwhile Martin’s fiancée is naturally unconvinced of her lover’s sincerity and becomes increasingly drawn to Paul… who knows this could be the real thing although it’s more convincing in word not deed as there’s little chemistry between the actors.

Adam, as is his wont, gets even more angry and tries his luck with Gayle again in the stables but this time she won’t be turned: he’s too rough – too much and he’s clearly not Jane. At last, some fidelity!!

Slight spoilers: Then, late one night, the moment arrives as the solicitor arrives to deliver the last will and testament of the man who begat three such winning examples of the male sex… There’s some big surprises in store but... why spoil the plot?

A Triumph!

Dusty verdict: The film was tagged “a luscious story of naked greed!” and it is indeed a story of greed and naked but by and large the women should be excluded from the unpleasant behaviour of the  four male protagonists by the end and even Paul may have transferred his interest to actual love.

In terms of performance, the women generally have more to play with than the men (ooer) with Jenny Westbrook managing to come across convincingly (oh, stop it!) whilst Adam’s start to finish black mood must have taken some skill to maintain.

Heather Deeley

In soft porn terms Deeley and Millington take the Oscars and are almost in a film of their own. Deeley’s character almost saves Adam as well as they share a few bucolic moments amongst horses and trees but he can’t help being nasty to even her in the end.

The film doesn’t appear to be available commercially which is surprising. I’m sure someone will find the wherewithal to liberate it from obscurity if only for the obvious reasons: nakedness and ambition.